[1] The importance of "knowing one's self" in the religious
world goes without saying. If, however, we were to ask what is
"knowing ones self?" and then asking for an answer in
concrete terms, what does this phrase mean, exactly?
This is what I think. Isn't this (to know one's self) having the
awareness of knowing who I am, as I am, in the present, right now?
For example, let's say that right now I am sick in bed. Because I am
sick, I am in the condition where I cannot do anything without the help
of family and others. Then, what happens when I become aware of the fact
that (I) am a sick person who cannot do anything?
While being a sick person, saying things like "do this," or
"do that," or "(they) don't even do this (simple thing
for me)," or "(they) don't even say this (to me)" is
(just) complaining and selfish. This (attitude) is (possible) only
because the sick person has forgotten that they are a sick person.
Ignoring their current situation, and bringing into the present the
(idea) that (I) could do everything for myself (as before getting sick),
this person has given rise to the (self) delusion that doing things is a
matter of course. However, the current reality is, the (one) that cannot
do anything is me. If one can notice this, then aren't even the
slightest things that people do for me gracious gifts (to receive)?
[2] As one ages, you begin to forget a lot. Knowing yourself that you
are becoming forgetful, and if you begin to know that you are a person
who is troublesome to others, there is probably nothing other to do than
to apologize. The me that has become more short tempered. The me that
has become more stubborn. The me that has become someone who tends to
complain about everything. When one awakens to the me who, as far as the
eye can see, does not have any redeeming qualities, then even if you are
called a dumb old man or are laughed at as a complaining old woman,
because this is my true form, the heart of being able to accept being
called these things as going without saying should open up.
Even if you are told that people of the first generation are no
longer able to help, the world where you can bow your head and say,
"Probably true but because there is nothing to be done about it,
well, please dont be so harsh (with your words) and bear with
me" should open up.
In the sutra known as the middle-agamas are the words, "Do not
chase after the past, do not desire the future, what you should do today
do it with fervor."
What is probably meant by do not chase after the past is do
not take pride or do not dribble with complaints (that begin with),
"Ah, when I was young
." Isnt what is meant by do not
desire the future mean do not engage in empty thoughts that do not
allow your feet to touch the ground? And then the present,
doesnt this become: fully do the works that you have been given as
you stand on the awareness of being awakened to your real value?
[3] When you begin to know your current situation, the you of now really
begins to live. If you know that you are hard of hearing, you dont
try to strain to hear what you cant hear but simply begin to listen
to what you can. If you have bad legs, then with bad legs you simply
receive the heart of someone who feels sympathy for you.
There was a woman who, not recovering from a cerebral tumor passed
away at the age of 46 although surgery was performed. She wrote the
following poem while sick:
Although she did not just assume this day of today will just come and
lived it as a precious day in gassho, when the day finally came when she
could no longer write, she (spoke and) left the following words behind:
"The world of people, if you look up it is up, if you look
down it is down; (all) without limit. Although half my body does not
move as I wish, I still have my right hand, I have ears, I have my
right foot; although I have a brain tumor, I still have taste, I can
still see the colors, there is sound, there are voices, there are
words, there are smells; these things too, although it is a body that
must eventually fade away, there is the Nembutsu, there is the Buddha
(Amida), there is great compassion, there is the Pure Land: I am (so)
happy."
She was a marvelous person who was able to live appreciating the
things that she did not notice until now that made her happy,
appreciating the things that were still left to her one after the other.
She stood aware, clearly accepting the truth that half her body was
handicapped, paralyzed, as the truth.
[4] People, the lifestyles of those who have faith in the Nembutsu
have this kind of wonderful way of living.
Forgetting the value that I have in the present, lets not simply
droll out complaints. Lets not say how we are not satisfied. Lets
not go after the past; lets live this present, this moment now as our
starting point.
As it becomes winter, each succeeding day of the cold must be hard on
the body. However, my body has made it to today even after 60 years, 70
years of not losing to the cold and conquering the heat. How can one
express this gratitude?
If you are able to feel this way, you have to appreciate your body
and take care of it (sympathetically).
Knowing ones self, isnt this standing with (the perspective of)
this kind of awareness?
